Teach me about Sexting!
Photo by Artem Labunsky on Unsplash
Okay first of all, what even is sexting? According to the Oxford Dictionary, it’s sending messages to someone in a way that is “a blend of sex and texting” and can be done by simply using words or can include photos and videos. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with, but it’s also important to make sure that everyone involved is giving consent. Remember, it’s supposed to be fun and you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to!
If you’re new to sexting or even sexting someone new it can feel a little awkward at first, and that’s okay. It’s normal.
Why Sexting?
A lot of people find sexting empowering. It can help you boost your sexual confidence, sexual self-esteem, and ultimately, your sexual agency.
It can be an exciting way to explore what you like and find out what you don’t like. It’s also a great way to learn more about what your partner likes. It might be easier to communicate desires over text rather than in person, and it gives the other person time to process and respond. You might learn things about your partner that you didn’t know before, and they might learn things about you.
It could be a fun way to imagine new things without the pressure of actually doing them, and that can give you a chance to learn more about your own likes and dislikes, which is something that can help increase sexual self-esteem.
When talking about sexting, one person in my sexual agency study stated,
“It gets me, because I know that they [their partner] enjoy it, and it gets them aroused, and then it gets me aroused, and then I just feel more confident.”
Sexting can be used as a way to increase sexual confidence without the pressure of an in-person encounter.
Trying something new can feel intimidating, but really it’s just about trying stuff out and seeing what you like and what your partner likes.
Remember, you don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable with. Boundaries are important in any type of sexual encounter, including sexting.
Where do I Start?
Consent is important. Start by asking a partner beforehand if they want to try sexting. Or, you could start by sending a flirty text and see how they respond. It depends on your relationship and what you think they would be comfortable with. If you aren’t sure, then you should just ask them.
There are lots of different kinds of things you could do for sexting, so I would recommend searching on Google to get ideas and start to get a sense of what you might like. You could try searching “sexting examples” or “sexting ideas” or “sexting lines” to get started.
Okay, I Want to Try it!
You could try texting some sexual affirmations or compliments to your partner and see how they respond. “I really like your…” “It’s so hot when you…” “I like it when you tell me I’m…” “You’re so…”
You could send some photos of yourself in an outfit that you feel confident in (often people crop out their heads to keep their identity safe in case the photos ever get leaked). “Mind if I send you a photo?” “Want to see my new outfit?”
Or, you could ask your partner to send you photos. Just remember not to pressure them and respect their boundaries. “I would love to see…” “Show me…”
You could be direct and tell your partner something sexual that you’ve been thinking about lately that involves them. “Want to hear about what I can’t stop thinking about?” “I can’t stop imagining…”
You could talk about the last time you had a sexual encounter with them. For example, “I really liked it when…” “Remember when you… That made me feel…” “I can’t wait to… again.”
Some Things to Remember
Make sure you are sexting with someone you trust. If someone isn’t respecting your boundaries, you have the power to stop the exchange. You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with. Try and use a communication method that you feel safe with (i.e., not your work email!). Remember to have fun, because if you aren’t having fun, then what’s the point?
Notice how you feel during and after sexting to see if it’s the right fit for you. Is it helping you feel more confident or good about yourself? Are you feeling more empowered?
Ultimately, it’s about having fun and getting to know yourself and your partner. Everything has a learning curve, so it’s okay if you feel a little awkward or silly at first, like everything else it just takes practice. Don’t forget you’re a radiant magical human being and if you want to try sexting you should just go for it!